rubinc in nyc!

…because today is the SECOND SNOW DAY IN ONE YEAR! This is unprecedented in NYC history - today is only the fourth snow day in the past six years. The snow also canceled the parent-teacher conferences that were supposed to happen last night. I like to think that it is my karmic repayment for that kid puking yesterday.

I’m off to enjoy my surprise three-day weekend by going back to sleep for the day!

After a year and a half of teaching, a kid spontaneously puked at my feet today.

That is all I have to say.

Today we learned about the skeletal system. I had to shoot down about a million “boner” jokes, ranging from the subtle (”are there certain bones that can grow really fast?”) to the not (”BOYS HAVE A BONE IN THEIR PENIS!”). Ugh.

On the other end of the spectrum, I’ve been spending lunch with Miranda recently because, shockingly  enough, she doesn’t really fit in with or enjoy the hormonal jungle of the cafeteria. She’s been bringing in her various textbooks (yes, textbooks, many of them introductory college level) so we can go over the practice problems in the back - this week it’s astronomy. Her favorite TV show, which she raves about as if it is the most hilarious thing to ever exist, is The Andy Griffith Show (she thinks that current shows are too slapstick and/or trashy to be funny). On Friday she’s staying after school for popcorn and a move - not Twilight, not G Force, and not even X Men, the other kid favorite. Give up? The Shawshank Redemption.

The one drawback to offering kids popcorn and a movie as an incentive is that you end up having to watch a lot of lame movies - I have seen Twilight five times, which I’m pretty sure would be more effective than waterboarding at getting suspected terrorists to talk.

Anyways, I stayed after today to watch G-Force (only for the third time), and I have to say that it’s growing on me. It has Will Arnett as an FBI agent, and Tracy Morgan as the voice of one of the hamsters (guinea pigs?). I think I like watching it so much because the whole time I’m just thinking of this 30 Rock episode.

Also, I forgot to mention this yesterday, but one of the first graders came back from break with a mohawk. His teacher complimented him on it and said “You look just like Mr. T!” His neighbor looked confused for a second, then corrected her “No, he looks like Mr. M, for mohawk!”

After having an awesome break and getting the BEST VALENTIME EVER, I was feeling pretty relaxed heading into school today. I just had a great vacation, there’s only five weeks until spring break, in general there’s a lot to be happy about…

Until I got to school and saw That Jackass Tito, of brought-a-gun-into-school fame, is back. Apparently his suspension is over, not that anyone gave us a heads up about his return. Remember how I was slightly bummed because he got suspended along with a kid I like? Having the good kid back is totally not worth having to put up with TJT in the classroom again. I’m having trouble thinking of anything that would be worth having TJT in the classroom, actually… maybe Bill Nye showing up and handing me a million dollars, but anything short of that wouldn’t even come close.

You might think that being suspended for three months, getting a criminal record, and having any chance of getting into a decent high school ruined would be enough to motivate most kids to get their act together, but TJT came back worse than when he left. The teachers who had him first and second period were so appalled that they went to the AP about his behavior, and so the AP decided to drop in and check up on him later in the day. Thankfully he walked into my class just in time to see me ask (for the third time) TJT to take off his hat and TJT respond by getting an inch away from my face and screaming “WHAT?!?!?!” I didn’t realize the AP had just walked in, but before I had time to collect myself and respond, he swooped in and grabbed TJT for the rest of the day. I don’t know if that means he’ll be out of class tomorrow, but I’m praying that if he’s dumb enough to act like this on his first day back, maybe he’ll be dumb enough to bring another weapon to school and get kicked out for good…

I know I don’t usually post during breaks, but look what a student just emailed me!!!

(I found out today that pretty much all my bilingual students think that’s what the holiday is called.)

I really hate Valentine’s Day at school (or in this case the Friday before Valentine’s Day), because the kids are all running around exchanging carnations and cheap chocolate and are just completely cracked out on middle school love. All the girls dress up in elaborate pink and red Valentine’s ensembles and compete over who can accumulate the most goodies, while all the boys wrestle with their competing desires to snag a hot Valentine and not to be seen carrying anything pink and adorable.

I got one Valentine from a kid, which was nice, and a bunch of kids asked me if Bill Nye and I had exchanged gifts. When I said no, one kid was shocked - “But how could he not like you? You have such a nice figure; not too big, not too small, just right!” I guess I should be flattered?

Anyway, next week is midwinter vacation, and I’m planning to spend the entire time in my pajamas pining over Bill Nye. I’ll be back on the 22nd!

In addition to being the BEST SNOW DAY EVER, yesterday was also supposed to have been Wacky Wednesday for spirit week. Today was Career Day, and since the students weren’t allowed to dress up as rappers or sports stars they mostly dressed very formally (some even in suits!) as doctors, lawyers, businesspeople, etc… You know, because none of those jobs require doing homework or having the ability to go five minutes without throwing a paper ball across the room.

Anyway, remember Shadasia from last year? In keeping with my belief that she should be the spunky female lead in her own Disney show, she assumed that Wacky Wednesday would be pushed back a day instead of canceled because of the snow, and showed up this morning in a wacktastic outfit. The effect was amplified by the fact that all the other students were wearing suits and other formal clothing, making her multi-colored craziness even more conspicuous. She was mortified, and I could hear her meltdown from down the hall in my room. It all worked out okay, though, because her mom brought her a new outfit to change into. I think if she really was a Disney character she would have had to wear the wacky outfit all day, but would play it cool like she was actually dressed up as a fashion designer for career day, and then we all would have learned a valuable lesson about appearances and self-confidence and sparkles.

I started off today grumpy because I got to bed later than I wanted to last night, and I am a big baby and don’t do well with less than eight hours of sleep.

Then I got to school, only to find the building swarming with firemen and everyone huddled together in the gym. Apparently some part of the heating system was malfunctioning and leaking carbon monoxide into the building - thankfully the lab has a CO detector or it would’ve taken a lot longer to notice it! So we spent the first hour of the school day with everyone squished into the gym and going slightly crazy from both the confinement and the dizzying prospect that we might all get to go home early and have a surprise day off. I was so excited at the prospect of going home and taking a nap, my morning grumpiness went away pretty quickly.

Then those jerk-face firefighters said that as long as we shut off the heating system and kept the windows open, the gas would dissipate and we could be open for the day. So we went from thinking we would get a day off to finding out we would have a day of crazy children (because they also thought they would get to go home and don’t take well to disappointment) in an unheated building that had to be open to the freezing outdoors. Is it even legal to have kids in an unheated building with the windows open when it’s below freezing outside? Grumpiness returns with a vengeance.
But then at lunch, Ms. P gets a phone call from her mom that instantly explodes all grumpiness for the rest of time, because she informs us that she has just heard on the radio that THE BEST NEWS EVER is happening! You should have heard that room full of teachers, we were screaming and jumping around like kids!

So despite the fact that today was characterized by more-hyper-than-usual children and a below-freezing classroom, I am in the best mood ever because this time tomorrow I will still be in my pajamas! Happy preemptive snow day, everyone!

I called a student’s mom today at the number I’ve reached her at before, was answered by a feminine voice, and proceeded to address the person I was talking to as “Mrs. ___” for a good five minutes before the person stopped me to say, “This is actually Shatoya’s father.” I wanted to die.

On a less mortifying note, today was Twin Day, the first day of Spirit Week. A lot of the girls coordinated cutesy outfits with each other, and it was fun to see them so excited about it. But my absolute favorite was the fact that three of the boys from the bilingual class showed up in slacks, a dress shirt, and a tie so they could be twins with their homeroom teacher. It was adorable.